Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
