I'm really into asian looking animals
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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