Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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