I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
