dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize