So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
