It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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