Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
