Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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