I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
