Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
