Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
