Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
