FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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