Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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