Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
