my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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