Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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