I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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