Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
