I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
