Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Let's paint friendship bongs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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