there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
