What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
