just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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