i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
