I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize