i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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