If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
