Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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