so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
