I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
