You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
