What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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