You're completely useless in the revolution.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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