look no pants
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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