yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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