the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
