dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
