im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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