I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
