Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
