On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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