I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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