yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize