So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
