smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
