You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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