I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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