There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize