Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
