It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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