I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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