So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
