dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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