Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
