Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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