Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
