...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
