I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So squirting runs in the family.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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