arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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