my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
