okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
