She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
