You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
