she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
