I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I believe in your delicious
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
