I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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