My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize