Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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