Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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