Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
