this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
