Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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