My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
