You can't motorboat a personality
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
