I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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