I can tuck mytits in my pants
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
