Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
