we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
