the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize