Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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