No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
