get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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