I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
