you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
